CAST: Jason Momoa, Stephen Lang,
Rachel Nichols, Rose McGowan

Do I really need to tell you that Conan the Barbarian is dumb as a brick? Do I really need to tell you that it has extremely limited character development, a story that is both incredibly simplistic and confusingly told, that the use of the word 'acting' would be to slightly over flatter the cast? Probably not. What I do need to tell you that despite (or, perhaps, because of) this it's actually pretty good fun.
In the interests of full disclosure I should say that I haven't actually seen the 1982 film with Arnie as Robert E. Howard's famous creation, and perhaps that let me have an easier time seeing this Conan as a stand alone piece. The screenplay weaves a simple tale of vengeance; Conan's father (Ron Perlman, genius casting) is murdered by a warlord (Avatar's Stephen Lang), but young Conan escapes. Twenty years later, Conan finally discovers the identity of his Father's killer and seeks his revenge. The details are a little more confusing; there's a mask that apparently makes the wearer invincible, but for some reason it needs the blood of a special girl (Nichols), the magic is never really that well established, but what more do you need than 'evil bastard wants to kill hot girl so he can resurrect his wife'?
The thing is, Conan is stupid, but it is seldom less than entertaining. Jason Momoa isn't someone I suspect we'll be seeing as he lead in an intensely demanding dramatic film anytime soon, but as a mobile wall of muscle with a voice that sounds like a constant low rumble, he's fine casting for Conan. Momoa hadles the copious action scenes well, as does director Marcus Nispel (who I had little faith in, having previously seen only his awful Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake). Several of the set pieces are genuinely exciting to watch. There's a dynamic chase sequence as Rachel Nichols finds herself pursued by Lang's men, and, refreshingly, while Conan does help rescue her, the film also shows her as a capable and instinctive fighter. Another standout sequence starts out as a glaringly obvious tribute to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, but the fight between Momoa and Lang as they and Nichols dangle on a spinning platform above a pit is hugely exciting. The choreography also works well, with the cutting fast, but without obscuring the action.
Sadly, all this good stuff is filtered through a middling 3D conversion. It's not as catastrophic as the conversion of Clash of the Titans, but it does suffer similar problems like a very over dark look, which renders many of the film's later scenes a challenge to follow, and a smeary quality to fast motion which takes away from the film's greatest asset; its action. This is a film that will be much, much better in its original 2D version and that's how I'd advise you to see it.
To my great surprise I would advise you to see Conan. It's got some fun (hammy) performances, especially from Rose McGowan, enjoying herself as Lang's witchy daughter, some entertainingly bloody action sequences, a damsel who, if not exactly developed, is at least not in constant distress and a solid leading turn from Momoa. It's not going to end up in anyone's top 10, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it, and didn't think that you'd have fun seeing it with a few mates on a Friday night, in 2D.
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